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Post by nonny on Nov 14, 2003 18:23:39 GMT -5
This is a poem i wrote for school but before i turn it in i would like your opinions on it, please, ok here it is.
Fights spark all the time They never stop Grudges hold We always know the weakness Do you not see it? Hate surrounds you We have grown cold, but steam with rage The flame will never burn out Intolerance is everywhere Do you not see it? We turn a blind eye to discrimination Differences will always stay Closed minds will never open Truths can be lies Do you not see it? Deception growing stronger Moral enforcement is laughable People seem not to care Abuse takes place in front of your eyes Do you not see it? This world is broken Peace is spoken of I see no peace Only pieces Do you see it now?
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Post by ck on Nov 15, 2003 1:24:43 GMT -5
Nice poem non.. wish i could write that good of a poem...
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Post by Yaw on Nov 15, 2003 16:18:55 GMT -5
I'll concur, that's a great poem, nonbeliever. About the only suggestion I might have is that it feels to me like a bunch of verses ending with the, "Do you not see it?" or, "Do you see it now?" question. I'd personally tend to split these up with a blank line after the question. Doesn't make much of a difference to the final format, though, it's just my personal formatting impression. Feel free to change it or leave it the same as you prefer.
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Post by nonny on Nov 15, 2003 18:39:28 GMT -5
Thanks for the suggestion Yaw ;D ;D and for the comments all together Yaw and ck ;D
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Post by Griffey on Nov 17, 2003 20:21:16 GMT -5
Excellent poem, nonny, it really describes the atmosphere a lot of atheists must experience, or even non-atheists. I know I've felt like that sometimes, your poem really brings it to life, great job
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Post by nonny on Nov 17, 2003 22:06:45 GMT -5
;DWhy thank you griffey!!! ;D
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Post by Hilly on Nov 24, 2003 21:35:25 GMT -5
Sorry I`m just getting around to this now nonbeliever, I meant to post this earlier but as the saying goes, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I think your poem is really good. I found it a bit depressing but optimistic at the same time. Nice job.
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Post by nonny on Nov 30, 2003 19:58:40 GMT -5
Sorry I`m just getting around to this now nonbeliever, I meant to post this earlier but as the saying goes, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I think your poem is really good. I found it a bit depressing but optimistic at the same time. Nice job. never heard of the experssion, and thanks. I like your avatar
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Post by Hilly on Nov 30, 2003 22:33:49 GMT -5
never heard of the experssion, and thanks. I like your avatar I heard it in a Randy Travis song. The idea that we have good intentions but sometimes fail to follow through with them. As the saying goes the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I think this is rather harsh. After all no one is perfect. If some of our good intentions go askew the thought remains regardless.
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Post by Maverick on Dec 2, 2003 20:50:40 GMT -5
Excellent poem, nonny. I'll make the same offer I made Griffey when she wrote her poem, Stand. nonny, do you want your poem published on the website?
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Post by nonny on Dec 3, 2003 14:37:44 GMT -5
Yes, i would like that mav thanks for the offer!!
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Post by pieisgood on Dec 31, 2003 10:18:37 GMT -5
Nice poem. Normally, I'm not a fan of non-rhyming poems because they tend to be just a paragraph with weird line breaks e.g., the type of that poem I see is about the moral signifcance of:
I went to the store.
deep, neh?
But that was actually poetry, and some good poetry at that. The "do you not see it?" lines I like; they imply that people are being completely ignorant to this without saying so directly. Overall, very impressive nonny.
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Post by nonny on Dec 31, 2003 13:28:27 GMT -5
Thnak you very much ;D
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Post by nonny on Mar 19, 2004 22:02:40 GMT -5
hmm...........I wonder if this is ever going to get posted on the site.
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Post by Maverick on Mar 19, 2004 22:53:45 GMT -5
hmm...........I wonder if this is ever going to get posted on the site. I apologize for not getting it up on the website yet. But I will keep my word and I'll post it up there when I make my next update. I haven't had the time to update the any part of the website in a while.
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